untitled

I don't know what I'm looking for
Maybe nothing and no one at all
'Cause then I have to remember my past
Heartbreaks made of my misakes
Reasons for all my lonely seasons

No one ever really knows anyone anyway

Only a Dream

You were just one of those dreams
The kind where you just feel
The happiest you've ever felt in your whole life

And then the alarm of reality rang

unfinished

If I could just find my voice
Would I find the strength to use it
Way out loud to the world
Would I yell and shout my heart or soul
Whichever's left, too black for the wolves

Undecided

I wanted to defeat him
or the act itself
Conquer them as they had conquered me
Use them for my personal gain
To prove they hadn't used me for thiers
Beaten me, and were under my control

Loose as the definitions of right, will, and love
Cheap as my shopping list
Easy as walking down a flight of stairs
I will... not decide

So Long

So long I've been waiting
So long I've been praying
So long you've been hiding or biding or gone

So long I've been breathing
So long as your not leaving
So long you keep laying and weighing me down

So long I've been searching
So long I've been fruitless
So long you've been sighing and buying more time

So long I've been holding on
So long you've been moving on
So long we've been sifting and drifting apart

So long I've been sighing
So long I've been crying
So long you've adored then ignored me once more

So long I've been wishing
So long we've been kissing
So long as I don't have to say this again

So long

Known

I looked upon a pane of glass
Window to the outside world
Freshly falling snow blows over
Gifts each branch the heavy weight of beauty

But this night I focused on the glass
Glow of twinkling lights just hung
Relieved to see no strangers there,
I breathed hot breath a loud, loud sigh

Yes, I recognized her well
Beautiful in her own flawed way
O welcome my eyes found her sight
O welcome beauty in flaws

O player in games, Giver in time
Dreamer in life, dancer in dreams
Keeper in youth, Singer in song
Maker of trouble, taker of time

O shadowed in sun, feeler of warmth
Hunger in hope, hoper in future
Wanter in love, believer in little
Learner in wrong, stronger in writing,

O knocker on doors, opener of minds
Runner in fall, faller in love
Stranger in whiles, reflector in glass
O welcome, welcome, knower of me

Let the Snow Fall

Let the snow fall
To cover our mistakes
Mask the sinful earth
In it's white purity
Yes, let the snow fall

Fallen

Fall sets in
It's tragic nature
My trust wilted
Eyes fallen
Heart chilled
Faith blown away in a single gust

This fall I cried
The season my heart has always loved
It broke it, broke it

If I stole your time
Well I'm not sorry
Your time for my heart

Games

Play, play me foolish,
Foolish, fancy, free
Children play, and us, and me
Bruises show your game is rough
No longer can I pretend to be tough
I'm too tired to play today
Rain, rain, go away
I don't want to play your game, I lose
It's games with them or life with me, you choose

Why can't I write anything more than 6 lines?

It all seems so distant now
Like a blur, a haze, a dream
And I wish it was, i do... for now

The haze still burns my eyes
The reasons still unclear
Permanent damage

Shade

Never thought that I'd be one
To lose all faith, come undone
In dark corners, I saw light
Now close my eyes, fear of sight

I have always lived in sun
Though beams, my heart, had won
I dwell now in safety's shade
Live my life of shadows made

If I hadn't felt the warmth of the summer sun
I wouldn't be so cold
If I couldn't forget childhood's young,
I wouldn't feel so old

unfinished 10-16-05

If in your opinion I’m not good enough, well that’s just fine
You believe in your wants and needs, and I’ll believe in mine
If you can’t take my flawed face, turn your head away
You enjoy your looking view; I’m not here to stay
If you touch me, I may melt, I am just that kind
You will bring me to my knees, and my state of mind
If you shed your tears for me because I bleed when you go
You shouldn’t bother, the cause is lost; the whole world seems to know

What I do, who I am, are those the same?
Who I am; what I do, who’s to blame?

I hope this scars

When she fell, she fell fast and hard
Skidding through nights, picking up shards

But summer nights never last til dawn
When the sun came up, a piece of her was gone

She lay there broken, unsure of what to do
Her heart was young and almost brand new

Mama picked her up, friends dusted her off
She stepped forward; the grass was soft

She turned with the world, but kept her eyes to the stars
Said under her breath, "I hope this scars."

Scars are true, honest and real,
Shows you've been hurt, but prooves you can heal

She misses that wound, open no seal
Sure, it was pain, but at least she could feel...

She could hide away, robbed of her prime
But she holds her head up, says, "I'll spend my time."

Her Tower (unfinished song)

She's up in her tower
Where she can cower
Away from this place

She'll have no shame
She won't play your game
Drops out of the race

She cannot live here
For nothing can give here
What she craves

Mortar and stone
Means living alone
Sin that saves

No one can slave her
Cause no one will brave her
Rocky walls

She's no need for fear
And that one lonesome tear
Never falls

She hides herself
On a secret shelf
You'll never find

And she'll never know
The love that you show
Both are blind

As the wind blows, her tower sways in the night
When the storm breaks, her eyes will capture the light

The treetops will scratch at her window, but she'll turn away
The moonlight shines down as her own thoughts, hopeless, decay

She drowns out her head by counting the rug's fraying threads
Entrapped with herself, the true thing she actually dreads

Scar

I have a scar
One of many

It slowly fades as I heal from the inside

It was one of those wounds that never bled
Just took a piece of me and I,
I have nothing left,
But my memories
And scars

What

If we let go, what, what will happen?
What, what will become of us?
All my sweaty effort only loosens our grip
So what, what of my fall?

And my tears, what of them?