Surrenderer

Something warm smoothes my skin
Was it you or summer sun?
I'm near the place where we begin
What is it we've begun?
I trust you'll put your arms around
Whether tears or laughter flow
A realization quite profound
I'm not sure how I know
When disbelief opens my mouth
You fill it with your kiss
Yet again I'm heading south
And it's you I've come to miss
I niether lead nor follow
Some unneccessary pull
And when I'm feeling hollow
You're there to make me full
And when you're over me
I feel our weight combine
Heavy breaths gently set free
Which is yours? Which is mine?
A past life shivered cold
Numbed me as pretender
Through you, I'm made bold
In love, I surrender

So Tired, This Body's Mind

So tired, this body's mind
Only an empty bed calls it
To sleep unsounded but with toys
Even my child's heart longs for more
Than a restless night awaiting undisturbed
No comfort's breath to rise and fall
It's fallen so away
And I've fallen here
Upon this slab of down's soft, I sink
In cradled blankets mangled
But pause, and think of all the world
Only to more lonely grow
I'll fing no solace this night

Butterflies

A world where butterflies

As a creature and a feeling

Are trampled an supressed

A world where man cannot love fellow man

Without being spat upon by man

Angered by his own shallow fears

A world where hunger eats a people

And love spreads deadly disease

Aid goes undone by the wealthy and plastic

A world where God is feared

Unknown, blamed, and held sacred

Our mute prayers unanswered to our deaf ears

A world where quality and quantity are confused

Where cheapness overpowers brotherhood

And truth is hidden more than unknown

Wake up I call to this world

From visions of grandeur

The nightmares are real and I...

I still need the butterflies!

Now that I know the cold
From lack of your hands
How can I ask for your body heat again?
Knowing still that the season demands
that I let you remove it again... again

I may flaunt what you want
But you need my permission Before you proposition
So change your position Or you'll face my opposition

Cause it seems to me
That immaturity Is your specialty
Don't try spreading your seed Anywhere in my vaccinity
Best to save your energy
Cause if you get with me You're gonna need it baby

Never Made Love

I've been on my knees
Been begged, "Baby please"
Been siezed and squeezed
And teased and eased
I've heard all your sleeze
And I aim to please
But I can't appease
All of these "Come to me's"

I've had my hands kissed
Been told I was missed
In my ears hissed
Had a hot hot tryst
Glistened with mist
Made a counting list
Made a hollow fist
I think you get the gist

But I've never made love

I've been made to moan
Changed my tone
Waited by the phone
Heard the radio crone
And the talk shows drone
Been shown, on loan
Had my oats sewn
And chilled to the bone

I've danced in the rain
Parked at Lover's Lane
Kissed a Dane
Ran fingers through mane
Been made insane
Refused to feign
Tried to wane
Felt the pain

But I've never made love

Behind closed doors
Don't ask for more
Cause as the sandy shore
Is like the ocean floor
So's the hollow bore
Of a body's core
That they tore
And left me sore

I've read the text
I've been perplexed
I've been messed
And made real stressed
I've been exed and vexed
Pressed and carressed
And you know what comes next
Although I've had sex

I've never made love
Oh I've never made love

She's Got No Faith in Spring

Pressed flowers in all her books
Hesitation with all her looks
Finds need to save the bloom
Before it meets its doom
A beauty so undeserved
Is best quickly preserved
Before its course is run
And life makes it undone
Sure, the colors fade
From what God had made
Keep the memory pure
Is, to her, allure
Upon winter's icy breath
Finds shelter amidst the death
No calm after the storm
No reaching out for warm
Not one to plant a seed
It will only be a weed
She won't wait for birds to sing
She's got no faith in spring

Real

I'm glad it hurt
'cause now I know
I'm not so hardened
not so hollow

The world sees now
Caring as flaw
Missing love
Feelings raw

But pleasures are not
for those who seek
Fallen tears
are not of the weak

And I'm glad it hurt
Glad I still bleed
Not so hollow
as I once believed

List

I'll add your name to the list
of those too worried and weak
they who after our tryst
have forgotten how to speak
Don't worry your head
I'll let you lie in your bed
I'll just add your name to the list

Then you can add my sigh
to that list you bare
unlike you it doesn't lie
of weights your bed has felt you share
maybe you forgot my name
like I forgot to keep me tame
oh, you can add my sighs

we could set our lists to burn
from fire in our eyes
your apathy I forever learn
but I’ll forget your lies
while their names turn to ash
follow you to bed and clash
let’s set our lists to burn

yet come the ghosts of those names
on your lists and mine
risen ashes from the flames
in forgotten memory entwined
bedding every haunted hour
lying no longer has power
yet come the ghosts of names

I can only try to forget
No more lies to those loved and love back
Adding to the list of regret
relying too much on forgivness and slack
Your name in my head
My soul in your bed
I can only try to foget

I belong to the sea

I cling for life to the sinking ship
as the sea envelopes its sail
the current takes away my grip
the forces of nature prevail
having no will to swim, I drift
stroking against currents tow
barely closing any gap of the rift
between self and boat I know

Seemingly so out of reach
my limbs tire and give
my form headed for the beach
my heart in sea must live
never content to sit on shore
my toes dig into the sand
my salted body meant for more
cannot give all to dry land

All feelings felt by the sea
wet warmth fills every crease
chill wind evaporates from me
and no power I have to cease
shadows from the clouds roll by
covering only one
I sit and sink and stare at sky
colrful in setting sun

Still I sit and sink and stare
unsquinting as it rise
Thinking of my boat's repair
wondering how it lies
Like me is it ripped and torn?
Like me is it lost?
Burried in sand does it mourn
our parting which current tossed

The stormy skies with hidden stars
Throw lightning to the wave
The watered eyes with hidden scars
Throw lovers to the grave
Even as the wind declares
we would to no avail
even as love despairs
the trip is worth the sail

I tried to sail away from me
On other bodies I came
sank like rock into non-sea
they tasted not the same
Pool and puddle, river, lake
cannot replace marine
my ocean's white at point of break
only will wash me clean

Searched I far and searched I wide
For other ships to board
Casting my lines to other tides
Many waters offered to ford
But no false sea chased 'way my cold
I, waiting, bated breath, to learn
No others cargo my helm could hold
Full of forsaken promises, to beach I return

The itch to scratch I am so tempt'
of sand stuck to my skin
seaweed mangled hair unkempt
war-crying I run and dive in
How good it felt to be returned
the cold pain of slapping waves
leave me powerlessly upturned
mind lost of better days

The undertow sucks me in
Submerse me in the ocean
just as quickly waves push again
expell me from emotion
Outside forces outweigh my might
Only mind is free
Yet I have come to fight
For I belong to the sea

untitled again

It's starting to show
how little I know
about love and it's ways
The world's gentle turn
leaves no concern
for anyone out side of their own view

It gets so cloudy
my visions not lonely
They make me so tired
and I keep them awake past their bedtimes
They usually don’t mind
but no one stays awake forever

When will I learn self control
under influence of alcohol
Was that really what I needed
Do they want to know
what makes me tick and so
on and so forth coming

That one wants nothing
or something or everything
His lips too far away to reveal
the secret it's killing
me and I’m willing
to succumb to its power

Does this one know me
His eyes only see
my body and its actions
and that one contradicts
Oh how many licks
does it take

the moor

Twilight's empty shadows blend
their faces with sacred wind
as voiceless whispers in the gale
make want of warmth in moonlit pale
For shutters locked against them here
the bricks and mortar breeding fear
While bedded children shake at core
I go out walking on the moor
Past streetlamps glow on cobblestone
fated to go on alone
striding bounds but taking care
to pay respect to growings there
Though heavy tread my boot hath laid
unrest no mushroom, grassy blade
Without a stick I climb the steep
draw shallow breaths to fill up deep
my chest with quench of bodily need
withholding want until it bleed
the fog engulfs the wood like flame
cold perks my hairs marked untame
for'ere I wander through the night
'til glimpse of comfort, hopeful light

Curiopathy

Its all out there now mucking up the crisp air
My moist breath most likely wasted on ignorant ears
I owe much to few and nothing to many
But for my own sake, or stupidity:

Brought up with love
Used up with apathy
Caught up in confusion
Tangled up in sheets
Held up by distractions
Given up by myself

You'll find me no longer

Bogged down with weight
Tied down with pain
Thrashed down in currents
Thrown down in surrender
Put down by fools
Stared down by strangers

You'll see me no more

Unknown

In unknown fear of unknown men
With unknown thoughts, I live
With unknown parts and unknown past
And unknown gifts to give

The unseen depths of unseen wounds
Unseen scars will hide
The unseen pain of unseen tears
From unseen eyes that cried

Through unknow waters over unknown sand
Teems unknown life I crave
The unknown search in unknown vain
My unknown sail to grave

Conflict

So conflicted are nature and wisdom
Body and mind in constant battle
"Give up, move on," says one to the other's tears
The constant ache and sudden shudder at your touch steals the first's powers

It's winter again, the season of void
My hand, surrounded by cold wind only, freezes
Not brave enough to reach out and touch you
Too affraid to return to my empty pocket

So mid-air I pause, not going to, niether fro
It is impossible to return to safety's bind
And having not the faith to leap

I fall

The fence

You took my heart long ago
You've caused me to build fences
Through which my eyes can only see
The tempting fruit from which I am so cruelly forbidden

My lips ensured from rotting poison
Sweet meat and juices my tongue hath passed
Weakening my body, collapsing my spirit, clouding my faith
My mouth still echoing with bitter aftertaste

I carelessly fumble the gate's key
Lost in the greens and heads of clover
I lie in its soft, false comfort unknowingly
I wrongly housed my fate

For I have trapped the wolves

Part II

For I have trapped the wolves
And they are ravenous
Attracted to the fresh blood waiting to be drawn
The first bite being the most desirable - I am overtaken

It rips through me - skin, flesh, and soul
I burst open with pain, my eyes ever wide
No longer with innocence, but the undesirable shock of knowing
The first wolf looks not at them

More swarm in packs of lustily green eyes
Wishing to ravish themselves upon me
Hunger only having grown in false satisfaction
They prey upon me thirsting to quench their desire

As I lay on the increasingly trampled patch of clover
I wonder if I will become unrecognizable
Only one piece of me would they leave untouched
My heart - though you took it long ago

Haunted

The ache goes on of lonely silence
The only time I have to think... of you only
All the time in the world

To confess my love for you aloud
To myself I admit the truth
But the silence prevails in my cowardice

I fear not the words to steal from my lips
For I allow their escape so often
Each glow in the night sky hath individually taken heed

Nor frightened of your eyes upon me
Although I have never grasped their story
And the depth of their secrets unknown remains

My single fear must then be the end
My mind's obcession, day's dreams, and night's work
Sole occupation of my being to be haunted by you

Clangs of the old clocks enhance the night air
But only your faded voice echos past my ears
Your ghost nears and passes over me in the cold
Real warmth so close but that I can never feel again